There’s no bond more delusional than the bond between two people who both believe they lost an election because the system is rigged, and not because they’re a couple of morally vacant bobbleheads who confuse bigotry with patriotism. But it’s a bond that Kari “God did not create [women] to be equal to men” Lake is really leaning into of late, apparently, in pursuit of being chosen as Donald Trump’s next running mate.
Lake, the former local news anchor who lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race to Democrat Katie Hobbs in November, has reportedly all but moved into Mar-A-Lago, Trump’s private club in Palm Beach—to the extent that she’s there more than Melania. “Kari Lake is there every night ... She’s there all the time,” a source told People. “There’s a suite there that she practically lives in.”
While Lake has repeatedly denied rumors she wants to be Trump’s running mate should he win the nomination for the 2024 election...what else would a failed conservative politician who hasn’t yet been insulted by Trump do with their time? Volunteer?
“I believe she wants to be his running mate,” another source told People in December. “She is working the deal. She wants something bigger, fast, to compensate for her loss in Arizona.”
Meanwhile, Melania is reportedly hardly ever around the country club she shares with her estranged spouse, except for Saturday night dinners with Donald. If I needed to spend a couple of hours a week with my dumb husband to keep up appearances, watching him shovel ketchup-lathered burnt steak and Filet-O-Fish sandwiches into his sad, tiny mouth would be low on my list, but to each their own.
And I’m not trying to insinuate that there’s an affair going on here between Lake and Trump (gross), but unfortunately, I do have to bring up the fact that Lake once said Trump had BDE. (If I could, I would travel back in time to ruin my parents’ first date and make sure that I’d never been alive to read that sentence.)
“That guy has a backbone made of steel. I’ll tell you what he’s got—I don’t know if you’ve heard of this—but he’s got BDE. Anybody know what that means?” Lake said during a rally in August, initially referring to Ron DeSantis (I know. I’m sorry.) “Ask your kids about it later. I call it Big DeSantis Energy. He’s got the same type of BDE that President Trump has. And frankly, he has the same BDE that we want all of our leaders to have.”
In addition to tormenting our brain cells, Lake has also threatened mass gun violence against anyone in the country who might think Trump—who’s been indicted on 37 federal charges—could use a little prison time: “If you wanna get to President Trump, you’re gonna have to go through me, and you’re gonna have to go through 75 million Americans just like me,” Lake recently said at an event in Georgia. “And most of us are card-carrying members of the NRA. That’s not a threat, that’s a public service announcement.” Incredible!
I’m not a politician, but promising mass shootings and having lots of sleepovers sounds like someone really fucking gunning to be somebody’s No. 2 to me. But whatever is going on between these two, let’s hope it stays within the confines of their delusional brains and palm tree-decorated suites.