The Sex Lives of College Girls, Mindy Kaling’s deliciously messy HBO series about four college roommates, birthed many hilariously talented breakout stars. Amrit Kaur, who plays the sex-crazed aspiring comic Bela Malhotra, is one such actor who I can’t get enough of. As Bela, she defies a ton of stereotypes often piled onto Indian American characters—nerdy, awkward, and sexlessly innocent. But as loud, horny, and occasionally conniving as Kaur’s character is in Sex Lives, her inner work as an actor seems to stem from a much deeper, more serious place. “I knew that art was the thing that could, if anything, heal me, heal my family,” Kaur told Teen Vogue in a recent interview. Which is... definitely a lot of pressure to put on your career.
The 29-year-old actor met her acting coach Michèle Lonsdale Smith in her early 20s, during a time when she says she “was told I was not beautiful, that I had to change my face, that the most important thing was to be attractive to men.” Pursuing an acting career seemed to be an antidote to this: “A lot of artists, including myself, go into acting to feel shiny,” Kaur explained. “I went into acting to be the most beautiful girl because I didn’t feel pretty. I wanted to be on the cover of magazines and be like, ‘Someone like me is beautiful, ‘cause I’m an atypical beauty.’ What I realized is no amount of success is going to heal my pain.”
This hunger to be noticed is something that I found Kaur bringing to Bela’s character, who arrived at the fictional Essex College ready to reinvent herself, hoping to transform from bookish and invisible to lusted after and fawned over. And while she beamed with enthusiasm and DTF energy from the very beginning of the series, there was an obvious insecurity that she was trying to soothe.
But those personal insecurities seemed to make way for a higher purpose in acting. Kaur recently wrapped up filming an independent film in Pakistan, titled Me, My Mom, & Sharmila, and after she finished filming, Kaur visited Sikh heritage sites in the country, where she met with a priest. “[We talked about] what my purpose is, why I’m an artist, and how to advance and enhance South Asian girls, which is part of my mandate,” she told the magazine. Of the many film scripts she received, Kaur says that the one for Me, My Mom, & Sharmila was different. “[It] scared me. The film was literally about my mandate—to do art that will teach girls, particularly South Asian girls, that they don’t have to live a life of oppression.”
But Kaur’s purpose hits close to home, too. Like many second-generation immigrant children (her family immigrated to Canada from India before she was born), Kaur has struggled to fulfill her dreams in a way that wouldn’t also hurt her family. “My mom was supposed to be an artist,” Kaur explained. With her new acclaim, Kaur says that her family members have started embracing their own artistry again. Echoing a sentiment by the writer Ocean Vuong, she added, “I had to betray [my family] for them to see hope in themselves.”
As if shouldering the duty of inspiring South Asian girls wasn’t already a big enough feat for one actor, Kaur says she also often gets asked about her queer identity as it relates to her work but believes it’s all pretty simple: “I think my sexuality is very clear in all the parts I play,” she told Teen Vogue. “Acting is a job like any other job. If you can tell me the sexuality of your banker, then I’ll answer the question.”
Knowing about the intention that Kaur puts into her work, I’m looking forward to watching Season 3 of The Secret Lives of College girls with a fresh perspective. I know Bela made a lot of questionable decisions in the last season, but my money is on her pulling through.